Just Ask Joyce - March

Q: "I need a change – a big change. I’ve managed to get myself trapped in a very unhappy lifestyle. I don’t love who I’m married to. I hate my job. I feel unimportant in my family. It’s not that I feel like there’s nothing to live for; it’s just that I’m not sure I call this living. I would love to move to another country. I don’t think I would even be missed if I left. Can you give me a plan for where to start? I need a life."

Joyce: It’s not a life you need; you have one. It’s not a new country you require; your problems will follow. A new spouse, family and/or a different job could, likewise, leave you feeling numb inside. It sounds like what you need is a new attitude mixed with a lot of gratitude.

The initial glance into your stormy life finds only one cloud of confusion – you. Therefore, any plan for a new one involves reshaping you, because beginning with being happy with who and where you are is critical to overall fulfillment. Here are some suggestions to begin stepping into a better way to live in the life you have made for yourself.

• Make three columns: Spouse/Family, Job, and Domicile. 
• Itemize the things that are bringing you disillusionment with each. 
• List the ingredients that would appeal to you in a new spouse/family, job and country.
• Enumerate what you could bring into new relationships, a different career, and a fresh dwelling place.
• Compare how these vary from what you are: 1) giving in your present relationships with your spouse and family, 2) putting forth in your current job, and 3) doing for your country.
• Determine today that for one month you will incorporate the same exuberance into the blessings with which you are familiar but disenchanted as you would should you run into the throes of the unknown.
• Journal the results of your contribution into these categories.
• Measure the changes in the categories of your life; if none are noticeable, increase your contribution.

Life is, basically, what we make of it. Often when we strike out, it’s because we threw ourselves the curve balls. The choices we make bring consequences that are not always as enjoyable as the selection promised, but walking away is typically not the cure-all. Your attitude is the first adjustment necessary for your new altitude.

Honesty is a good place to begin. If your measure of participation in and gratitude for each category doesn’t increase, neither will your love for this game called life. Tomorrow, instead of dreading the life you’ve fashioned, embrace it with a new you.

Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fitness Pro, at justaskjoyce.com. She's here to help!