Just Ask Joyce: "How can I get out of this rut?"

Q: “What am I doing wrong? My relationships never work out, and I seem to be going nowhere in life. I try to be a good friend and the giver in all relationships, but it always ends up with me getting hurt. I guess I can understand why no one would want to be in a relationship with me, because I don’t even think I like myself. I’m a single mom and I know my kids deserve a better me. How can I get out of the rut I’m in?

Joyce: A simple three-step plan can get you turned around in your life. But unless you are willing to be honest with yourself, roll up your sleeves and put purpose behind your dreams, you will stay on that treadmill leading to nowhere. Here’s a plan for you to begin.

• Manage your filter bubble. We have our own filters that allow people and circumstances in and out of our lives. When we are children, we don’t always have the luxury of choice. But for the vast majority of people, at some point in your life, you get to make those kinds of choices exclusively. The point is that you can be selective as to the “whoms” and “whats” you allow into your world. Assess your filter bubble. Are you surrounded by people who support, encourage, and believe in you? Do circumstances in your life enhance it or complicate it? You might find yourself needing to hit the delete button. Or perhaps you need to accept others who could offer a more positive influence in your home, work, and personal life. Take control of your filter bubble and watch your attitude become more positive.
• Know your identity. A few years ago I was declared an “illegal alien” by the license bureau as they kindly revoked my license. I had to reclaim my identity in order to perform my daily functions in life, such as driving or traveling by plane. The four-month ordeal caused me to pause and realize how important it is to know who I really am. You must know who you are and what you believe in. Do you have standards for your relationships? For instance, do you expect respect? You should. Identify your standards, and you will discover who you are. One thing to remember about standards: If you don’t have them, no one else will let you have them, either.
• Turn your desperation into destination. Desperation isn't attractive, but a confident woman maintains the controls of her filter bubble. She also knows who she is and where she wants to be. Desperate times can call for desperate measures, but a woman who keeps her eye on her destination will not only mask her desperation — she will defeat it. Get yourself a plan for your life’s goals. Those are apt to change as you grow, but remember that you have your hand on the controls. Likewise, have a backup plan. You might even take it one step further and have a Plan C tucked away. An alternative plan wards off discouragement and disappointment. Life happens with or without your permission. Having one up on life is a better way to operate than being one under.

You are halfway there. How do I know that? Because you are here. Every success story had its origin at that very place where there is nowhere to go but up.

You can do it! Surround yourself with positive influences in your life. Set standards that will readily identify who you are. Don’t be anxious about your today because your tomorrow is just a step away. Your attitude for your future is set by you. Remember: In order to get there, you have to start here.

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fitness Pro™, at joyce@justaskjoyce.com. I’m here to help! Check out my books and other resources today at JustAskJoyce.com.