Just Ask Joyce: “My wife thinks my texting female friends is being unfaithful.”

Q: “Do you think texting women friends is considered betrayal? My wife does. I don’t see any harm because it is completely innocent on my part. I enjoy my female friends, and they enjoy me. It is causing great conflict in our home right now. I think she’s being unreasonable. She thinks I’m unfaithful for doing it. I am not committing adultery. I value your advice and would love to hear your thoughts on this issue.”

Joyce: I have two small words for you: “cease” and “desist.”

Your question raises several concerns for me (and I’m not even married to you). I will not exhaust them all, but perhaps you will begin to understand some inherent risks for your innocent behavior.

1. I applaud you for “NOT” committing adultery. But understand: Emotional infidelity is equally as damaging to your committed relationship.
2. Your wife is likely feeling a bit disrespected. Her feelings of “betrayal” might be perfectly valid. Even though you feel you are doing nothing “wrong-wrong,” it obviously feels very uncomfortable to her idea of devotion and loyalty. That should be your utmost concern. If it does not disquiet you, the risks increase.
3. Your conduct with texting these women has apparently escalated to the extreme of occurring on home turf — otherwise, how would she know, short of checking your phone? I have no gauge to consider the volume or frequency, but it certainly appears to be numerous.
4. Next, imagine how pouring your efforts into communicating with your wife instead might greatly enhance your marriage. Rule of thumb: Time invested into other relationships, whether male or female, is time divested from your spouse.

Allow me to offer a couple of warnings:

• You are inviting temptation. Remember: Temptation never meets a stranger; it’s those who walk away who remain unfamiliar. Simply because you may have a definitive boundary doesn’t necessarily mean some of these females you are texting have drawn lines. If any are single women, as they say in the legal world, caveat emptor (buyer beware). If they are married, then you’re tampering with another man’s wife. Perhaps you should check with him to determine the level of offense taken by your “friendly conversation.”
• Don’t consider deleting your texts to appease your wife and keeping up the pattern with these female friends as an alternative to your indiscretion. Doing so would greatly compromise your integrity.

Remember: Nothing and no one is worth your marriage – the stability in your home, the love you two have nurtured, and the legacy you leave behind, especially if there are children to consider. Marriage doesn’t mean you must lose your identity, your circle of friends, or your individuality. It should reflect, however, respect and honor between two committed people. Without respect, trust is shaken. Without honor, trust crumbles. Beneath the spoilage of trust lies a spent legacy.

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fitness Pro™, at joyce@justaskjoyce.com. Tune into my weekday radio show at 3pm on WFIA 94.7fm/900am. Join my social networks for my events and the popular “Joyce’s Quotes for the Day.” Check out my books and other resources today at JustAskJoyce.com. I’m here to help!