By Joyce Oglesby
Q: “Three years ago I had an affair with my wife’s best friend. It was stupid; I admit it. It was a mistake and only lasted eight months. I know I messed up, but now my wife won’t stop badgering me. She reminds me of it every day. She never would have known except
Q: “I have been married for 32 years and have enjoyed a good marriage. Recently, I’ve noticed my husband becoming close to one of his employees. He said he’s helping her through a difficult time. He’s a kind and compassionate man, but he talks to her all the time, even at home after hours. He calls her; she calls him. She tells him everything, and he listens. I hear how he responds to her, and my heart breaks. I rarely get to speak my heart to him because he doesn’t give me the same degree of time or patience. I know she’s going through a tough time and he’s there for her, but he doesn’t see what I’m going through. Am I wallowing in self-pity, or should I be concerned?”
Q: “Do you think it is permissible for a husband and wife to play out a fantasy in their sexual lives? We are in our late 20s, married only five years. A couple of years ago my husband and I shared our wildest sexual fantasies just for fun. Mine involved him; his involved other people and me. I didn’t realize how adversely it affected me, but ever since that time, whenever we make love, I find myself holding back. He has mentioned the fantasy again several times recently, saying that it might ‘spice up our sex life!’ Should I feel threatened by this? I haven’t discussed it again. I’m silent when he mentions it, and I’m not quite sure how to feel about our spousal security now.”
Q: “I am exhausted with trying to get my husband’s affection. He seems disinterested in me and more interested in golf, hunting, fishing — anything but me. We have two young children, and I desperately need his help, but every weekend he is doing whatever he wants to do, never thinking about his family. He’s not into anyone else; he’s just not into us. How can I make him understand I’m done with this?”
Q: “I can’t stop my husband from texting women and messaging them on Facebook. I’ve begged him to stop. He swears he’s doing nothing wrong, just talking to them. When I look at the conversations, they seem innocent enough, but these girls are in their 20s and he’s 40! They’re flirtatious. He’s not really, but it still bothers me. Am I overly jealous, or should I be concerned?”
Q: “My marriage is in shambles. We have three children. Our youngest daughter is headed to college and loneliness will soon set in. My husband and I have slept in separate bedrooms for the last 13 years. We rarely speak to one another. He continues to provide for all the household needs. I have never suspected another woman in the mix, but I don’t know what tomorrow might bring. Any advice would be appreciated.”
Q: “My husband is an alcoholic. I’ve lived with this for more than 12 years now. He started off as a casual drinker but gradually escalated into something uncontrollable. He works, but his performance has begun to suffer greatly. I’m afraid he’s going to lose his job. Nowadays we argue more than we do anything else. Sometimes he’s angry and frightening, other times he’s docile. It has gotten to the point where it is emotionally affecting our children. They’re embarrassed to bring friends over because they never know how he’s going to react. I’ve tried to encourage him to get help, but he refuses to admit he has a problem. I don’t want to lose everything we have built together, but if I leave, I cut it in half. There doesn’t seem to be a happy ending. What would you do if you were in my shoes?”
Q: “My husband and I have been married 12 years. He has never been unfaithful and says he isn’t now. My problem is he’s texting women – some are single, some are married – and he says they’re just friends. I wish he talked to me as much as he did these women. I have asked him to stop, and he has refused. After I calmed down, he told me that I needed a life, I wasn’t fun, and now that I home-school, everything I do is centered on the kids. Now he’s deleting his texts so I can’t see them, but he readily admits he still does it. Am I overreacting, or should I be worried?”
Q: “My husband is controlling. I knew that when I married him last year, so I guess I bought my own trouble. But he has gotten worse since we married. We have already had an argument over my Facebook account, and I had to close it. Now, he wants me to give up my two long-time friends. He says it’s only because we should spend all of our time together and get adjusted in our marriage. He has mentioned me quitting my job now and start trying to have a baby. We had agreed to wait five years to begin a family. How can I convince him that I need a life outside of marriage?"
Q: “My relationship with my husband was good until we said, 'I do.' Then he totally transformed. Now, he's mean to me and my kids. He doesn't even let me talk to my mom unless he's listening in. He always yells at the kids, and when I try to stop him, he gets physical with me. Why does life get so much more complicated once you’re married than it is during a relationship?”
